This has been on my mind for a couple of weeks...I guess it's time for me to just sit down and actually get it written out. I have been trying to figure out the fine line between trust and fear. Fear may not be the right word... Specifically for me..the line between trusting my God to do what's best for me, and yet still keeping that knowledge that what's best for me might not be what I want, and may seem quite terrible at the time it happens. In other words, still keeping in mind that everything won't go 100% the way I want it to, even if I am still doing what God wants me to. Am I even making sense?

  I have a recent example, though I don't think it's necessary to share all the specifics right now. A few weeks ago I mentioned that besides my grandma having passed away, I was dealing with some problems of my own. Health problems in fact. I knew that when I finally got answers for what was going on with me it would either be bad news and I would have to deal with it over the next few days, or weeks, maybe even months; or it would be good news, I would feel relief and happiness and go on with my life. I know that God wants what is best for me, and that may include trials. Trials to make me stronger, to discipline me, or so that I can have an empathy and compassion for other people who go through the same thing. I struggled for over a week. Of course I just wanted to get a positive answer from the doctor, I didn't want any additional struggles to face. After all, isn't losing someone I love hardship enough? I wanted good news.
  But after that initial reaction I knew that I wanted what would be best for me in the long run, even if it was tough to deal with. After many tears -and a lot of time spent in prayers and reading God's Word- I was finally at a place where I felt a peace about either outcome...though I wouldn't even think about saying it was easy. When I finally had the doctor's appointment and got a definite answer, it was very sudden. I got the answer so much sooner than I expected, and it was all good news! I think that maybe I had to go through the whole waiting and uncertain period just so that I would be able to come to a place where I could trust God to do what's best for me, despite what my personal desire's may be. It has made me so much more aware of the blessings I have. I know that I didn't deserve good news just for being me, I haven't done anything to earn my health. I am so thankful every day for the gift of life, for the time with my husband, for my family. It gave me a chance to just take a step back and realize again how deeply God cares for me and how much He has given me. I may not have realized it at the time, but that He brought me through that struggle was even a blessing. Otherwise I may still be taking every day-every breath- for granted.