Four months already?

It's hard to believe that today my little Jacob is four months old!
I'm amazed at how fast he is developing.

Size: He's still not very big for his age. Two weeks ago he weighed 12lbs 6oz, and was 23 and 1/2 inches long. He's just now outgrown almost all of his newborn clothes and one or two of his 0-3month. He is still in size one diapers, though Huggies brand are a bit smaller and tend to leak more often.

Sleep: At two and a half months Jacob was sleeping anywhere from 6.5 to 8 hours a night. He even slept 9 hours straight one time! But then he hit a growth spurt or something and was waking up every 2 hours, sleeping 4 hours then waking up every hour the rest of the night, etc. It got pretty frustrating! I had no idea why he had regressed so badly. As of last night he was back up to 5.5 hours.

Milestones: All of a sudden Jacob was able to hold his head up during tummy time! Then he started rolling over on a pretty regular basis (from tummy to back) Now when he's on his tummy he does this little squirm -it looks very similar to "the worm"- to try to move forward. He's so frustrated that he's not able to crawl yet. He is also very close to rolling from back to tummy, he tries so hard! The newest milestone hasn't really been a fun one: teething. The past few weeks Jacob started drooling all the time! That progressed to grabbing anything that came near his mouth and chewing on it. Toys, fingers, arms, spit rags, toes, shirts, you name it. He has tried it all. Just in the past week or so he also started fussing almost constantly while awake. Toys, food, music, rocking...none of it soothes him. He just sobs and it's heartbreaking. Then in the past two days he's started running a low-grade fever. So I'm pretty certain he's getting some teeth, his gums have even started getting pretty firm. I can't be sure -because anytime I put a finger near his mouth he wants to chew on it- but I thought a saw a pale mark on his bottom gums where a tooth was sitting under the surface. I just hope that they break through soon! I feel so bad for my little man.

 

So good at holding his head up now!

Talking: Jacob doesn't say any English words yet, though he has cried what sounds like "mom" or "mum" since about two weeks old. He loves to talk though! When he's awake and not fussing he's jabbering away at me, Alex, or his toy animals. A series of coos, grunts, raspberries, and "ah-ah-ah"s.

Quirks, favorites, and funny traits: Jacob doesn't sit up on his own. In fact, he doesn't even really like sitting all that much. If he's being held he pretty much always wants to be standing. He has really strong legs and as long as someone is balancing him, he stands on his own.

He loves his daddy! For example, the other night I was feeding Jacob one last time before putting him to bed and Alex came in the nursery to fill up and start the vaporizer. Jacob turned to see him and made a little laugh noise "ha". When Alex left he went back to eating...until Alex came back in with the full vaporizer to start it. Again, staring at daddy then a little laugh. I love the good relationship they have!
Also, Alex is apparently a lot funnier than I am. Jacob laughs at Alex's funny faces, and funny noises, and silly talking. I love hearing his little giggles, and he has a smile that brightens up his whole face. Today I was actually able to make him laugh and I felt so proud of myself, haha.

Bath time is Jacob's favorite part of the day. he can be on the floor sobbing one minute, and as soon as he is in that tub full of warm water he is content as could be. He has also learned how to splash...which reminds me that I need to find a floor mat for in front of the kitchen sink. He makes a mess! He also loves the part of bath time where we clean his gums and tongue with a damp washcloth, we're hoping it'll make daily tooth brushing just that much easier! He's already so used to having his mouth cleaned every night. This past week we gave Jacob his first bath toy- a little pirate rubber duck that we were given a his baby shower. He grabbed onto it and promptly stuck it in his mouth to chew on.

One of my favorite things that Jacob has started to do is what I call his "bring it on" move. He'll be laying on his back on the floor and all of a sudden he'll put his shoulders back, puff out his chest and tummy while picking his butt off the floor, and make a grunting noise. It's so adorable!

His favorite toy is a little giraffe rattle, or his blanket. He often falls asleep for nap time with one or the other held tightly in his hand up by his face. He also loves hiding behind his blanket, especially when he's acting shy.

Jacob also loves blowing spit bubbles.

I guess that's all I can think of for now. I know I don't write very often, but that's because I would much rather enjoy the time with my little man...it's passing by so very fast!

And now...a few more pictures.

He looks so handsome in the hat his grandma made him

Jacob's first Easter

Note to self: (and maybe to you too?)

I had started to feel discontent, envious, and even lazy on a regular basis. So I sat down and had a talk with Alex about it. During our chat I came to this conclusion: Life -and motherhood in particular- is not a competition. I realized that I need to remind myself this, sometimes more than others. In this age of digital sharing, (facebook statuses, mommy blogs, twitter) it's even easier to get caught up in how well, and how much better, others seem to be doing.

So I'm working on changing my thinking in these areas:
*My baby: as long as he is healthy, happy, learning, and growing I do not need to be comparing when he reaches milestones, how long he sleeps at night, and how fast his motor skills are developing with other babies So maybe he isn't very good at tummy time, isn't sitting up on his own, and still nurses to sleep at night. He is a very happy little man (most of the time) laughs on a daily basis, is smiling directly at us, growing like a weed, loving bath time, sleeping through the night, and starting to play with his toys. Every baby is different, and every mommy needs to know that and stop comparing her baby to other babies.

*My house: as long as it is relatively clean, regularly vacuumed, and there aren't just huge piles of "stuff" and dishes and laundry I can be content. Sometimes I still get really nit-picky, I have always been a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to cleanliness, especially when something is my responsibility. My husband has been a big help with keeping things done. He's really good at just noticing if the dishes need done and getting that taken care of. He's also a big help with laundry.

*My "business": I'll admit it, I kind of failed in this aspect. I'm not very outgoing, not good at networking, not very good at hounding people (or feeling like I am) so I may have a business page and a whole basket full of handmade headbands, but it seems that it's going nowhere. I may work on it again at some later date, but for now I'll leave home based businesses up to the people who are actually making sales.

*My weight: as someone who has always struggled with weight issues and body image, this has been the hardest thing not to compare or envy. Especially with so many women having had babies around the same time that already lost all of or more than their pregnancy weight. I had a very hard time recovering from my c-section and am just now starting to feel like I can do everything I did before. So it's really slow going. I need to remember that as long as I am happy, getting enough sleep, able to take care of myself and my family, and am working on losing weight in a healthy manner, I need to stop comparing to other women.

Happy mommy and her growing baby

I guess that's about it! Have you ever had struggles with comparing?

I never expected to

As much as I intended to not turn every post into something about Jacob, my life consists of little else these days. So, today's treat: a few things I never expected to laugh at.

*Accidentally spraying milk everywhere when Jacob gets distracted while nursing.

*My baby getting red in the face while crying. There are times when I can tell he's just mad about something...and the little guy is just so stinkin' cute, even when screaming mad.

*Poop in the bathtub, not pretty.

*The fact that Jacob's in his third outfit for the day...whether from diaper blowouts or spit up, sometimes he goes through more outfits in a day than I did when I was a teenager.

*When Jacob starts rooting while Alex is holding him, leaving little wet spots from his tongue. Oopsie!

*When the "sprinkler system" goes off between diapers. There's really very little I can do except clumsily try to get something in the way of the stream (usually the new diaper) then clean up the damage afterwards. It used to distress me when it happened, but I've found it's much easier to laugh. Who knew babies could get such distance!

* When I get out of bed because I hear the baby making a bunch of noise, only to find he was just grunting to toot in his sleep. Another case of it being easier to laugh than to cry.

What about you other mommies out there? What do you find yourself laughing at? Being a mommy can be a messy job!

Jacob these days

Tomorrow my baby is going to be 8 weeks old! I can hardly believe it, sometimes it feels like he's always been around, other times it seems like he just arrived. The way he is already growing and developing is amazing to watch! Last weekend he weighed 9.5lbs and was almost 21inches tall. The nurse is coming back every week to check his growth for a while because his height dropped to under 5th percentile from being around 10th when he was born. We're hoping that with me feeding him every time he's hungry (no more trying to make him wait 2 hours) he'll start to shoot up as well as fill out.

At 4 weeks was the first time Jacob rolled over -tummy to back- purely on accident. He just hates tummy time that much. He rolled over again a week or so later, twice in a row! But hasn't since then, partially due to the fact that he hasn't been getting tummy time everyday. He developed a cold a few weeks ago, and some days neither of us feel up to it. It's terrible to hear his sinuses all clogged up. We're thankful for a good nose aspirator, and a vaporizer in his nursery. He's almost all better!

Jacob seems to be a rather fussy baby most days. During the day unless he is napping or eating he is usually fussing, or in the stages of Alex or I calming him down. (My mom said I was her fussiest baby, so I guess he gets it from me. If he continues taking after me, he'll be a very well-behaved child though! *wink*) A good part of the day is spent nursing, walking around bouncing him, holding him on my shoulder and offering him his pacifier, or going window shopping so he can sleep in his car seat. Over the past few weeks there are some times -usually right after eating- that he'll be happy and content from anywhere between 5-30 minutes. As much as I love him all the time, I especially enjoy these moments, when he is smiling and kicking his legs and looking around at everything and cooing.

Adorable little smile

Valentine's Day was the first time Jacob slept through the night...or at least, what I thought was considered sleeping through the night. He slept for 7 hours straight through! I was a bit confused when the next night he was back to only 2 or 3 hours at a time. Tuesday night this week he slept 7 hours again, then 5 last night. So maybe, just maybe, he'll keep it up this time. Even if he doesn't I'm getting used to the interrupted sleep, and I love snuggling him when he's still sleepy and only woke up to eat a little bit. I love his crazy hair sticking up. I love the opportunity his nighttime feedings give me to pray for him, and for me and Alex as his parents. I also decided that I'm very glad we started him sleeping in his crib at a week old. He really sleeps very well in it at night now, even though the first few weeks were a struggle.

Naptime.

There isn't much we can do for playtime with Jacob yet. He loves doing bicycle legs, or having us wave his arms for him. He also loves music and does his own little wiggling dance when music is playing. Sometimes playing music will calm him down when he is fussy. He has started to interact with Alex and I: if we click our tongues at him he'll try to copy us, and often succeeds. This is usually followed by a big grin from him. Another good way of playing with him (and calming the fussiness) is holding him under his armpits with his feet touching the floor (or your knees, or the couch...etc) and letting him "jump" in the air. He could do this for hours and if you stop when he wants to keep going he'll let you know by pushing out with his legs. Jacob also loves his bouncy chair if someone is using their foot to actually make it bounce. He just stares at the toys hanging down, and tries to talk to the animals by cooing and gasping. He also loves the music it plays, and in the past week I've memorized the 2 tunes on it.

A few other things I love about my little man right now:

* Jacob loves bath time now. We bathe him every night before bed and he would probably just contentedly sit in the water for hours if we let him.
* When he stretches he makes the funniest face! Scrunched up nose and curled upper lip, with both hands in fists...I really want to get a picture of it.
* Diaper changing isn't a hassle anymore. He still pees everywhere on occasion, but he doesn't scream through the whole diaper change.
* Jacob loves the word "banana" as well as Sesame Street's "manamana" song (which Alex introduced me to last year. I had never heard it before!) which we think could be because Mom is trying to teach him "Nana" for his first word.
* You can always tell when he's about to toot! Fists go in the air, he scrunches his legs up, and grunts like crazy. Alex and I can't help but giggle at it sometimes.
*Jacob loves car rides, or pretty much anything that involves moving while being in his carseat.
* He makes a ton of noise while eating. He gulps, sighs, and belches really loud.
* He snores during naptime, sometimes making milk bubbles out his mouth

One of the few pictures I have of me and Jacob. I'm usually behind the camera.

The parking lot

It seems to me that most people will remain civil, or even polite, when out in public, except when it comes to a Wal-Mart parking lot. It amazes me sometimes just to watch people. A few months back when I was about 33 weeks pregnant I was very relieved that Alex found a parking space somewhat close to the doors. It had been a busy day and I was tired of walking, plus we were only running in to pick up a few groceries. He pulled into the space at the same time another woman spotted it. She seemed to be so angry that we got there first (without speeding or doing anything dangerous. We didn't even notice her until we were parked) that she sat in her car in the middle of the rows. When we got out of the car she started yelling at us -though we couldn't hear her, her windows were up- and making angry gestures...but there was a spot open a few cars down!

It seemed to be an isolated incident until a week or so ago. I still just have to shake my head thinking about it. Another busy day at Wal-Mart. Alex and I had just finished taking Jacob to a growth check appointment and stopped to pick up a few things. We found an empty parking space in the middle of a far row. Alex turned his car to pull in and a man with a cart, who was apparently completely oblivious, walked right in front of Alex and almost ran into us. Alex had to maneuver not to hit him and ended up being too crooked to pull into the parking space without hitting the curb. (You know, the curbs they put around the trees?) He started backing up and didn't see a suburban that was just coming towards us. When he noticed it he had only backed up a few inches, and he stopped to let the guy past. As it went by and Alex was finally able to park, I noticed the driver directing a crude finger gesture towards us out his window. I hadn't seen the driver, but I just chalked it up to an angry teenager wanting to show his rebellion. As we were walking inside I heard a very rude name being used in one row over, and other than noticing how frequently I hear foul language, I didn't think anything of it....until we got inside and were putting Jacob in the cart and an elderly man looked directly at Alex and called him another rude name. I was thoroughly confused and a bit shocked, and as we were shopping I asked Alex about it. He just shrugged and said it was the man who was driving the suburban, and mentioned that the man had already called him a name as we were walking towards the store.
The whole occurrence just left me dumbfounded! I wouldn't have been as surprised if Alex had actually done something wrong -or even rude- or if the man was many, many years younger. The fact that someone of his age would be so enraged and immature about something so trivial...it's just hard for me to comprehend. Later, just in passing, I mentioned to Alex that you have to wonder what other things are going on in his life for someone to be so angry and hateful to a complete stranger. I ended up just feeling sad for the man.

I'm thankful things like that haven't happened more often, but sometimes I still get discouraged at the lack of consideration for others. The many carts left in parking spots, the smokers standing right at the entrance with their lit cigarettes (something that bothers me even more now that I have a baby breathing it in) the people in the store too busy to simply move over to make more room for someone coming the other way.

And after that somewhat depressing sounding post, I think I'll have to write something cheerier very soon!

I have a confession

I think I started out with some sort of illusion about what being a mommy would be like because the first few weeks home with Jacob were mostly rather terrible. It almost makes me feel a little bit guilty to admit it, but it was bad. The first day we were home it was like my little man completely forgot how to nurse. Every time I would try to feed him he started choking and gasping and would spit up whatever bit he managed to eat, and he started wanting to eat every twenty minutes because he wasn't getting what he needed. I was going on three or four days with literally no sleep, and still in constant pain from my surgery. It hurt to try to move him to a better position, it hurt when he wriggled while crying, it even hurt just to hold him for any length of time. Emotionally I was a wreck. I knew my baby needed food, he was so hungry, and crying all the time! I couldn't figure out why breastfeeding wasn't working all of a sudden, I even did internet searches on how to get a good latch, or why a baby would end up with so much air while nursing...but none of it helped. Multiple times that day I was sitting on the edge of the couch holding my screaming newborn just sobbing because I didn't know what to do. Eventually I was able to get in touch with a breastfeeding counselor from the classes I had been attending and she helped me figure out a hold that worked. I'll never forget the relief I felt when Jacob was actually able to eat and didn't spit up afterwards. He fell asleep in my arms and I was able to nod off for a little bit.

I think that being deprived of sleep made everything seem harder than it was. I got so overly stressed and worried about everything. I was up again for the fifth time in a single night, had nursed Jacob and was just waiting impatiently for him to fall asleep again so I could stumble back to my own bed. We had been sitting there for about 10 minutes already, it felt like an eternity. His eyelids were just starting to droop closed again, when -for the third time- he kicked his legs into my incision and popped his eyes wide open. I had had it! I was so tired, and still so very sore, and to my tired mind it felt like he was purposely doing everything he could to stay awake, just to punish me for some unknown reason. I very roughly stood up and put him by himself on the bed saying "I can't do this right now!" But then his eyes got real wide and he started to sob. I felt like the worst mom ever...again.

I knew having a newborn would be hard and demanding and tiring, but I had such high standards for myself, started out wanting to be so perfect. I thought I would be able to not get frustrated or upset, that I would want to hold and snuggle my baby most of the day, be perfectly content and happy to be his only source of food, never use a pacifier, never put him back to bed when I knew he had a wet diaper. I thought my baby would sleep through the night at 2 weeks and that until then having to get up with him would be easy. Reading this now I realize how conceited I must have been. That changed though.  I started doubting myself, I was constantly feeling like a failure, like a terrible mother, feeling guilty because I got frustrated with my sweet precious baby again, wondering if my baby was unhappy because he was fussing so often, feeling like I was too dependent on my sweet husband (who was so willing to change Jacob's diaper anytime he needed it). I felt like such a wimp because I had never heard anyone talk about just how long recovery from a c-section would take, I had never heard anyone complain about the fact that lack of sleep would be so emotionally and physically taxing, never had anyone mention that when the baby was getting a diaper change and suddenly peed on the wall and spit up at the same time I would feel so overwhelmed I would start crying. I was to the point that I questioned my ability to be a good mom and I started wondering if I was the only one who had ever had this much trouble, the only one who questioned if maybe it had been too soon for me to have a baby, maybe I should have waited a few more years and I could have handled it better?
All of which is why I'm writing this post. Now that things have gotten better (My incision is almost pain free, and my little man is a month old and sleeping 4-5.5 hours in one stretch the first part of the night) it would be so tempting to just write about the wonderful parts of being a mom: the sleepy smiles, the gasps that I can only assume are Jacob's way of laughing right now, the three hour afternoon naps, the sweet little snores, the fact that he doesn't scream when we bathe him anymore, the emerging personality... I just wanted other struggling first time moms to know that they aren't alone in the stress. And it's not true that you're the only one. I imagine that if I were to start asking around each and every woman who is a mom had times that they doubted themselves, or got so frustrated they had to just stop and walk away for a moment, or had an emotional breakdown and sobbed all over their hubby...it's just not something that's talked about I guess.

So, just in case you're wondering:
Yes, I do get frustrated sometimes still. Especially when Jacob is taking an hour to go back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Yes, I do snuggle him sometimes during the day, but I often put him in his swing, bouncy chair, or crib to nap while I do housework, or even just sit and watch a tv show.
Yes, there are still times when I put Jacob back to bed even when I know he has a wet or poopy diaper. It just depends on how bad it is, how long he's been in it, and how difficult I think it would be for him to get back to sleep after I change it.
Yes, I am Jacob's only source of food, but there are definitely times when I wish my husband could be the one to get up and feed him at 5am, or that I could just give him a bottle when we're at church and he's hungry again. He has had one bottle of pumped milk just so I knew he would do okay with a bottle if we ever leave him with his grandma (Valentine's day date?)
I do use a pacifier, as much as I was completely against the idea. And, I admit it has been wonderful to help him get a better eating schedule (nursing for 5 minutes every hour was getting to be a hassle) and soothe himself to sleep.
No, Jacob isn't sleeping through the night yet, and the longer periods of sleep have made getting up easier, but it still isn't easy.

What's your newborn experience? Please tell me I'm not the only one!


And now, pictures. What's a baby related post with no pictures?

See? My baby cries. This particular time he was hungry

Such a sweet little man

Miracles happen: A birth story

So much has happened since my last post! I'll try to catch you all up.

39 week belly

I went in to the doctor's for my 39 week appointment, just two days before my scheduled c-section, and while I was there the doctor ordered an ultrasound, just to check where the baby was. Much to all of our surprise, Berry was head down! So, the c-section was canceled and I was scheduled for an induction on the 30th. But the doctor said she didn't really trust the baby to stay head down, and that I should go ahead an fill out all the paperwork for the surgery. I went home that day kind of nervous, and very excited! Nervous that the baby wouldn't stay that way and it would mean we had waited an extra day for nothing, or that I would go into labor and be in labor for hours only to have a c-section anyway, or that if the baby had flipped again maybe we could try having the doctor turn him/her manually and then induce labor, or that the induction would fail....there were just so many scenarios going through my head. Alex pretty much laughed and told me that either..I would have a natural birth like we had hoped for, or I would have a c-section, like I had been prepared for for a few weeks anyway. So my fears were pretty silly. Let me tell you, his response was just what I needed!
 We spent the next few days making sure we really had everything ready for the baby, and just enjoying our uninterrupted time together.

Thursday night I couldn't really sleep, not only was my carpal tunnel bothering me, I was just so anxious about  the next morning that my mind wouldn't slow down enough for me to sleep. We were told to call labor and delivery at 5am on Friday to see if they were ready for us. So Alex had the alarm set...I have never been so ready to have an alarm go off so early in the morning! We gave them a call and they said for me to eat a light breakfast and come on in around 6:30am. So, I got up and showered, ate a bowl of cereal, we grabbed the hospital bags, took one last belly picture, and were on our way!

39 weeks 3 days, last Berry belly shot.

When we got to the hospital they showed me to my room and had me put on a gown. A gown that had so many snaps and ties that Alex and I weren't even sure I had it on properly. About 15 minutes later a nurse came in and hooked up all the machines. A heart monitor for the baby and a monitor to measure my contractions I suppose. So we sat in the room for another 10-15 minutes listening to the baby's heartbeat and just waiting. Eventually the nurse came back in and looked at the readings from the machines and asked me if I was feeling the contractions. I was really surprised! I had not been given anything to induce the labor yet, and had absolutely no idea I was already having contractions! I felt nothing except baby moving, but apparently I had had 3 or 4 of them. A few minutes later my doctor came in with an ultrasound machine to check Berry's position one last time before the induction. Berry was head up again!! So we started talking about options while she looked at the readings from my monitor. She was concerned though because every time the reading showed a contraction the baby's heart rate dropped some. That and the fact that s/he had flipped so easily pretty much eliminated the choices for an induction or trying to manually move the baby. The doctor decided we would try a few things to improve the heart rate, so I was put on oxygen, and given an IV for fluids. They also took blood for labwork in case of a c-section. So I sat there for a few minutes with all this going on, Alex was sitting across the room just watching and smiling at me whenever I looked over. I was sure I looked crazy, suddenly having all these machines and the oxygen, it had all happened so fast! The baby's heart rate was still dropping during contractions so my doctor came back in and asked us what we thought of scheduling a c-section for that day. I was all for it! Baby was obviously not staying head down, seemed to be in some sort of minor distress, and I was just getting impatient to meet our little one. When they asked me when I had last eaten and I told them that I had eaten breakfast they all seemed a little concerned. They don't like having anything in the stomach during a surgery. Eventually we were told that we had to wait a few hours because of the food, and that the surgery was scheduled for 5pm. I was a bit disappointed that we would be sitting in the hospital just waiting for so long, but so excited that Alex and I were finally going to meet our baby.
About 10 minutes passed, maybe a few more, and my doctor came back in the room and said that because we were going to do a c-section anyway, and because the baby's heart rate was still showing slight distress during contractions, we were going to go ahead and do the surgery as soon as possible, that there was no point in putting it off. After that everything went so fast!!! Alex was given a set of scrubs to wear in the surgery room, an anesthesiologist came in and gave me some nasty acidic drink to help counteract the food in my stomach, and about five minutes later I was on a gurney being wheeled back to surgery. Alex would be brought in after I was prepped.
When we got in the room I noticed that it looked very...cold and sterile. So much metal and harsh lights, and I also saw the tray of tools that was set out. I was transferred from the gurney to a rather narrow little table, and the anesthesiologist, Scott, came in to do the spinal, my doctor and another nurse were standing in front of me with their hands on my shoulders, or patting my hand giving encouragement through the whole procedure. As I was sitting there I noticed that my legs were having spasms that I couldn't control. It was nerves, even though I didn't feel nervous. I was just excited, and probably a bit overwhelmed. The nurse noticed, so they got a warm blanket and put it over me. The spinal was a bit painful, but not too bad. I was sitting on the edge of the table, and had to bend over as far as my belly would allow, put my chin to my chest, and arch my back. Scott said "Sharp pain, like a bee sting" and I felt the needle poke me. What was unexpected was a few seconds later a blanket of a deep ache spread over my back for a minute or so. Scott then said he had to try again, the spot he had found was too bony. So again: deep breath, arched back, sharp sting, and sudden ache...then my legs started to tingle, and in the minute or so it took them to move the blanket and tell me to turn and lay down, my legs felt way too heavy to lift. Once I was laying down a couple nurses started prepping the incision area, and a big blue curtain was strung up at my shoulder level. I also had my arms pulled out to the side and strapped onto boards. I was told it was so I wouldn't try to help. I also had my oxygen mask back on. Soon Alex was brought in and stood by my head, I asked him to hold my hand, and then mentioned that they had to do the spinal twice. Right about then I felt like my whole body was being jostled, when Alex asked if it hurt I told him it was like going over a really bumpy drive way, and not at all painful. Right then Alex asked if I would mind if he stood up to see and I told him just not to pass out. He stood up just in time to see them to break the water and he mentioned to me that it was a lot of fluid.
Less than a minute later I heard the nurses and doctor "Look at that cord!" "The cord is wrapped around his neck twice!"
Alex leaned over, grin on his face "We have a boy."
They had Alex go over to look at the baby while they cleaned him off and soon I could hear little Jacob crying. I started tearing up at that point. I had such an uncertain start to the pregnancy, and a stressful last few weeks, but mine and Alex's baby was actually here safe and sound and -they soon told me- perfectly healthy. A few more minutes passed, Jacob crying the whole time, then they brought him over to see me. He was held up by my face and my first thought was "He's so perfect!" I said hi to him and kissed his forehead and they whisked him away again, Alex followed them after kissing my forehead and squeezing my hand.

Our first face-to-face meeting

I was in the surgery room for another 20 minutes or so, and I just laid there listening to the doctor and nurses talking. At one point they said that with the cord being how it was a natural birth would never have worked, even if Jacob had stayed head down. Chances were, if we had tried, he wouldn't have made it. At best, I would have ended up with an emergency c-section anyway.
Soon I was being wheeled to a recovery room, and just a few minutes later I saw Alex walking toward me carrying a tiny little bundle. I finally got to hold my baby!!

He was a lot smaller than anyone expected at 6lbs 9oz, 19 inches long. My tiny little guy has a full head of blonde hair, loves to smile- especially when he's napping and can hear his daddy talking, and loves to eat and sleep.
We've been home since last Sunday and it seems crazy that it's been a week already! My recovery has been pretty slow, so I'm still not able to actually do very much. Alex has been a huge help though, and such a good Daddy. You would never know that his first time changing a diaper was at the hospital! He's also an expert swaddler. I really just don't know how I would be managing if he weren't here.

We're so thankful that our precious "Berry" is here now, safe and sound and healthy. We're loving being parents despite the occasional frustrations and little less sleep than normal. It will be such a blessing, and a responsibility, to take care of and train this little guy as he grows up.

So much hair!

Such a sweet smile!

I love my handsome men!