And so it began...

A year ago today (May 2nd, 2011) was a day that I doubt I will ever forget. It had been about a week or so that I had been having some pregnancy symptoms.

Two months earlier I had had every pregnancy symptom in the book and all the dates and numbers were lining up, but when I took a pregnancy test it was negative. Another week went by with continued and worsening symptoms, then I experienced what was very likely a miscarriage. I'll never know for sure, but it was some of the worst few days of my life.

So here I was the beginning of May with the same thing happening. All the symptoms, dates lining up...and I was terrified. Scared that I was getting my hopes up for nothing, that I would go through all the emotional and physical pain I had just been through. I kept thinking that I would just wait one more week to see...then another week. I was starting to think I would wait a third week, but Alex and I got home from church on Sunday (May 1st) and I just broke down in tears. I wanted a baby so bad, I wanted to be pregnant, but I didn't want to take a test and find a negative again. I wanted to cling to that tiny hope I had that if I just kept putting off knowing for sure, I could keep imagining that it was real. My dear husband, he knew exactly what to say. He told me that not finding out just to cling to a hope was foolishness. That I was putting my life on hold for something that may or may not be true. That I shouldn't be trying to find happiness in a baby, that as a christian my true joy and purpose in life should be found in God. We decided that I would take a pregnancy test the next day. If it was negative I could be sad, then move one, if it was positive...it would open up a whole new part of life for us.

I spent that entire night dreaming of different outcomes, positive, negative, positive again. Happy, sad, surprised. I woke up exhausted, but Alex and I ran to wal-mart and picked up a test. As I was waiting for the results I was preparing myself for a negative. I had done this before and I knew how it would turn out. So when the time was up and I glanced at it I was shocked to see a second pink line. It was faint, but it was there. Alex was in the other bathroom at the time, so I didn't bother him, I just went to the kitchen and started working on the dishes. Because of my non-reaction, when Alex came out he also assumed that it was negative. He just hugged me tight and didn't say a word....then I looked up at him and asked if he was ready to have to buy a slew of diapers. The look on his face was priceless, and he hugged me even tighter!

And so began the adventure with our little "Berry".

I'm still so amazed that God saw fit to bless us with such a wonderful gift.