Out in the work force...

 Lately I have been thinking about looking for a job. It's kind of a scary idea at times! I have had many jobs, but never one in the actual taxpaying workforce. The idea of having to learn to do something new and possibly mess up in front of people I don't know is probably the scariest part though. And then there's trying to know what I would be good as: waitress? Cashier? Janitorial staff? Burger flipper?

The jobs I have had aren't really very usual.

I've been a church janitor, during which I discovered that the men's bathroom is the worst room to have to clean. Period.

I was a stable hand: mucking stalls, feeding horses, pushing wheelbarrows, laying sawdust. That was a job I actually really enjoyed! Hard labor isn't something I try to avoid.

Me at 17, I had just finished a couple hours of mucking stalls.

I've helped with cemetery landscaping. I think one of my most memorable experiences with that was when the lawnmower battery blew and we got showered in acid. Definitely wasted no time showering after that day's work. That was also the job I had when I got sun poisoning on my back and shoulders.

First day on the landscaping job and I came home looking like this...it got worse.

One of the dirtiest jobs I ever helped with was roofing! I got to pick up all the shingles, nails, and debris off of the ground.

So what do you think I would be good at? Any hints for an inexperienced girl trying to get a job?

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Have I mentioned yet just how much I enjoy baking? I especially like making desserts, I guess it's another type of art form for me and I love to try new things. Some turn out good, others turn out not so good. And some of them? They just turn out ugly. Things such as:

Apple pie-good

Underdone cake with runny frosting -bad

Brownies? Ugly!

Strawberry shortcake (one of my all time favorites)

Burnt cookies -bad and ugly!

Okay, so I guess I don't take pictures of all the bad ones..or maybe I really don't have that many. You decide ;)

Orange caramel pecan rolls.

Chocolate bread! A Christmas tradition in my family

Apple bread.

This was an experiment! Butternut squash maple cheesecake. Outcome? Success!

The start of a raspberry cobbler, it was just so shiny!

White cake with fluffy brown sugar frosting and toasted pecans

Banana split dessert...a summer favorite of mine.

Sour cream chocolate coffee cake.

Spice cake with brown sugar frosting and nutmeg.

Fuzzy photos.

Because I have mentioned the apartment re-arranging a few times over the past few days, I decided to post a few pictures..sort of the in between stage, and the finished product. You'll have to excuse the fuzziness though, they were taken with my phone because I was sharing my progress with a long-distance friend. Anyway, here they are!

 First up is the spare room/ guest bedroom/ schoolroom/ TV room

This is just part of the mess. I had already put away quite a bit of stuff.

We had already taken the twin bed down and replaced it with the full-size.

After! Everything stashed neatly in the closet, bed frame put in storage, etc.

The other half of the closet.

The entertainment center and Alex's school desk

The new, bigger bed.

  So what do you think? I know there's quite a bit in there, but I don't think it ended up feeling too crowded.

Master bedroom. What I didn't get shots of were the closet and the other set of mattresses up against the wall.

After!

The closet is much better organized now..even if there is a rather large hope chest in it, hehe

 That is all! Now you know what I was doing the last few days. Having it summed up so easily in such grainy little pictures makes me feel like it should have been a lot less work.

Confessions of a pack rat

 While going through stuff the past couple of days I realized a few things.

1) I am a pack rat. I keep all sorts of odd little things for a reason that seemed good at the time, but most of which I cannot remember anymore.

2) Even though I can't remember why I kept things, it's still very difficult to throw them away! Things like a manual for a camera I haven't had for years, a plane ticket stub from vacation, a post it note that says I went for a walk, I even keep things that I look at and say "That might be useful someday."

3) I keep somewhat useful things, even if I am not the one who has ever made use of them. I have a lot of jewelry that I never wear, a lot of rings especially but they don't fit me and I only ever wear my engagement and wedding rings, and toe rings. I have a lot of sweaters that I think would be very warm and comfy if I'm cold and need something to snuggle up in, but I have a favorite hoodie I always wear instead. I have outfits I may have only worn once or twice, but I feel bad getting rid of because someone I care about gave them to me..etc. I have a lot of lotions and perfumes, and I love having them, but I don't really ever use them enough to warrant having a whole chest of drawers full.

Last of all, I realized that it won't kill me to get rid of some things. So here's what I decided:

 Goodwill, you can have all the baggy sweaters (except for the purple and pink one I have used a few times), you can have the three tiered neon skirt that I put on once but hasn't fit me for years, and I'm feeling generous so you can even have the size 8 men's flip flops that still have the tags on them. Though even now I am thinking I may have found a way to wear them myself.

 Dear younger sisters. Surprise! I hope no one tells you this, but I am sending a goodie box your way. I hope you like purses, headbands, jewelry, lotions, shower gel, and pretty much any other sort of pretty girlie thing you can think of because you're going to have a bit to go through and decide if you want any of it.

 Dear younger brothers. I am very sorry, but I have not one thing that I think you would appreciate me sending just for you. Unless perhaps one of you has started wearing a nose ring or something? I seriously hope not! Or maybe you would understand my appreciation for keeping a five year old spiral bound notebook that has lists of things to take to the Civil War re-enactments and which dresses would match with what jewelry best. Oh! And I think there may even be some doodles of cats in them. You want me to send them?? I thought not..

That is all, my tired brain has stopped functioning...stay tuned for more rambling posts tomorrow! Goodnight all.

(PS) As I was re-reading for errors I realized I had said "pat rack" and then fixed it to say "rat pack" Ah well, I guess I was thinking of Dean, Frank, and Sammy rather than a rodent...

A fast talker.

 I discovered that prednisone gives me a three to four hours burst of energy, and it makes me very talkative. So if you don't like reading long, rambling posts written by someone who isn't even sitting still...read no further.

 I was worried after talking to my sister over the weekend because when she found out what the doctor had prescribed for the swelling in my neck she reminded me how my siblings had acted when they were given prednisone. They both became terribly mean and irritable, and downright hateful because of how it affected them. So, I warned Alex and told him that if I started being too grumpy or whiny that he should let me know, because I really didn't want to be that way. Imagine my happy surprise when after I took it, instead of being mean and sulking, I wanted to go, go, go. Alex even mentioned how much I was talking, and he is the person that I am the most comfortable talking to at any time! On Sunday it was almost physically painful to sit still through the church service, I had to bounce my leg up and down to just use up some of the energy, and my hands were actually shaking. At least my neck is feeling better!

 Yesterday I decided to put the unavoidable jitters and hyperness to good use. Alex and I were given a practically new queen size mattress and box springs. But, accepting them meant we had to re-arrange at least the master bedroom. You see, when I moved to here in town near Alex, my sister and brother-in-law were also moving -but they moved across the country- and they gave Alex and I the furniture they didn't need or want to take with them. Which means that once we got married and I moved in with Alex we had no less than four twin mattress sets and bed frames. We had two in the spare room, one in our room, and put one in our outside storage closet. After about two nights of us trying to share a twin size bed we went and found a full size mattress set at a thrift store, and so another twin set was put out in storage. We sent one mattress to the dump it was so beaten up, and left two box springs and one mattress set up in the spare room.

 Anyway, yesterday we went to our upstairs neighbor and asked him if he had any need or want for a mattress set. He jumped on the idea and even offered us money! We told him we were just happy to get them out of our storage, so in about 5 minutes we had gotten rid of one of the extra twin sets. He even told us he had just been talking to someone yesterday afternoon telling them he needed to find a new bed. We thought about offering one to our next door neighbors, but it felt to us like we would be condoning the idea that they sleep together even when we know they aren't married...even though them having a quieter mattress would give us more peace of mind...it's really a catch-22. But we decided not to offer them one.

  Back to the re-arranging subject though...we ended up moving the full size bed to the spare room, the queen size to our bedroom, and I'm still in the process of switching around all the surrounding furniture so that the rooms feel comfortable and roomy, but we still have all the dressers, desks, chairs, and end tables we need. Some of the extras have even spilled into the living room for the time being. It hasn't been easy! If anyone knows of someone who wants a twin size mattress set and frame, or an end table, or even some clothes or girly smelly lotion stuff just let me know! I have so much to finish going through...which means I should probably stop typing and go work on it....

PS, to anyone that I may have sent a long rambling text message the size of a short novel I apologize! Alex is at school all day and I have no one else to talk to! Hehe

All finished!

So, I started making my dress as an "afternoon project" on Saturday. It had been years since I had sewn anything from scratch, and I was a bit out of practice, so actually finishing the dress took me about 8 hours. In other words, it was already in the am of the next day by the time I was done. I'll admit though that almost 2 hours of that was just cutting pieces out. I do not have good sewing scissors and I think I'll add them to my "Someday I'll get this item" list. (Which might be a fun idea for a post sometime...hmmm) Anyway, I was pretty happy to get the dress finished and thought I would share a few pictures.

My love and I Easter Sunday (the lump in his shirt pocket is an Easter egg, haha)

I thought this matches really well, so, why not?

My afternoon project.

 On Tuesday I was very excited about a couple purchases I made. I found a bolt of beautiful green fabric at Wal-mart for $5. I thought about leaving it there but knew I would regret it, so I bought it and a new pattern. I now have over 6 yards of fabric, and decided to start working on the new pattern this afternoon. Here's what I'm working on.

Isn't the fabric amazing??

Doctor visit!

  I don't exactly enjoy having to go to the doctor, but by the time I went to bed Wednesday night I was in tears because the back of my head and neck hurt so bad, and the tender/bruised feeling had spread to the side of my head above my ear. Alex and I figured that the best decision would be to get it checked out. So, we went to the nearby immediate care today, and I was in to see a doctor in a very short time. He walked in the room with my file and the first thing he said was: "I'm a bit boggled." (at least I think that's the word he used) "I've never really heard of a case where the pain was at the back of the head like that. We'll get it figured out for you though."  After checking my eyes, ears, and throat he then asked for me to show him the exact spots that I was experiencing pain. After checking for swelling and asking a few more questions the doctor made his diagnosis: I have a swollen lymph node, a sprained neck, and I still have fluid in my ears from a terrible sinus/ear infection I had a year ago! So I left the office with three prescriptions and the promise that if I didn't see an improvement, or if things get worse over the next five days, I get to go back in and get re-evaluated without having to pay for the office visit. Ahh, what a crazy few days it has been.

 I have spent the last few hours talking with my dad on facebook, which I very much enjoyed :) But now I am very sleepy and think I will head to bed.

I hope you get to sleep in Dad, Sorry I kept you awake so late!!

What if?

 I tend to have a very wild imagination, sometimes to my own detriment. If something is going wrong I tend to assume the worst, especially about myself. Well, Tuesday night I developed a bit of a sore spot on the back of my head, right above the hairline at my neck felt like it had been hit, like there was a bruise forming. I didn't think much of it then, but yesterday it was worse, and painkillers didn't seem to help. By bedtime I also had what seemed like a very tight, swollen spot just under and behind my right ear, and suddenly I started thinking about all the things that could be wrong, and what might happen, etc. Now, my sweet husband is definitely not a fan of "what if?"s but I went to bed thinking about them. I had one song in particular running through my head: "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback. I fell asleep thinking about what would happen if today was my last day? I was thinking about how I would want to be remembered, what I want to be known for. Are you interested in knowing what I thought of? Well, keep reading, I decided I would share.

  I want to be known for my unwavering stance for God's Truth and what is right, no matter what it costs me. I want to be known as someone who is always willing to help and always willing to listen, but not afraid to step up and tell you if something you are doing is wrong -wrong according to God's Word- and that you need to change. I want to be remembered as someone who tried to make positive changes, someone who was never content to not do my best.

So, with that in mind, I think there are some changes I could and should be making...

Meanwhile, please head, stop feeling like this?

Silver aluminum (Is there a different color aluminum?)

Silver Aluminum is the color name of the nail polish I used Sunday. I seldom ever paint my nails, but decided it would be fun. Mom liked the color so much that she's going to come over tomorrow while Alex is at school and we're gonna do our nails together. She always has her nails painted, and a few weeks back she even put turquoise tips on them! :) I'm looking forward to spending time with her.

He got my goat!

 Okay, so it's not really my goat, but it's my favorite of Mom and Richard's newest kids this spring.

Meet Ears.

He had a slight birth defect and was born with four tiny ears rather than the normal two long floppy ones.

 Isn't he cute though?!

Satisfaction.

Today I was in a baking/cooking mood. I made a batch of mint sundae brownies to share with everyone during Bible study tomorrow. It smelled really yummy, so I hope they taste good! It's been fun trying out new recipes. Then I had three steaks left in the fridge that needed to be used up, so I made a marinade from a recipe for Asian steaks. I put together a green salad and planned on having French bread with it all. I was talking to my good friend Laura and asked her if she thought the menu needed anything else. She suggested some sort of glazed carrots. I thought it was an awesome idea, but wasn't sure if I wanted to try another new thing tonight. I decided to go ahead and give it a shot, and was happy to see that it should only take a few extra minutes! So, I had some sauce for the steaks going, was boiling carrots, had the steak on a mini grill behind me, and garlic bread warming up in the oven. I have so much fun baking and doing four or five things at once. It gives me so much satisfaction to be so busy, then to have everything made and cleaned up after, then being able to call Alex to a dinner that I prepared for him. Now I just need to work on getting a menu together a bit sooner than a few hours before the meal.

Alex tends to eat a bit more than me :)

Long and Jumbled.

 So here is an advanced warning: this post is going to have a bunch of thoughts, possibly not very well written, and all jumbled together. That is, unless they actually start to make sense as they come out.

1st subject: Shy people. My dear Alex is taking Psychology 101 this semester. We get to talk about his class when he gets home from school, and I have to admit that some of their ideas are quite strange. They ask Alex to figure out what percent of himself is his "unknown self"? Oookayy then. Anyway, after one class he mentioned to me that they were taught that shy people are the most egotistical of all the personality groups. Why? Because they think that everyone else is focused on them, and that's why they are afraid to speak out, do something new, or talk to other people. Do they have a point? I'm still not sure. Having been a shy person all my life, I don't often start conversations with strangers, I hate being in a position where I feel people are watching me (Bowling? I hate walking up on the floor when it's my turn!) and I just don't really come out of my shell very fast at all. I think that part of it could be because I want people to like me and to think well of me, but a big part of it is that I very much dislike negative feedback or criticism.

  Which leads me to topic number 2. Is there a point where someone is being too sensitive? Growing up I was usually a rather well behaved child. (I didn't come up with this on my own! My mom will confirm it.) I hate disappointing people, and it's even worse with people I know and care about. Those times that I did act out and needed punished it was always much worse to me when I was told "I'm disappointed in you." than to get a spanking. But, I seem to expect more of myself than others do. I cried one time when I got a B in science. I was frustrated when my drawing didn't look like the photo I was duplicating...The most recent example was today. I finally took my driver's test. When I was all done and the instructor started telling me all the ways I messed up, suddenly all the excitement of having passed was gone. I came home and I cried because I felt like I had done such a terrible job, and I didn't know if I even wanted to drive after having been told how badly I did. Not that I am a terrible driver. I was nervous and made a few minor mistakes..more than once -after all, there was a complete stranger with an eagle eye watching for every mistake I might make- and some of the things seem a little silly now. It was bad that I didn't honk at the guy who started backing out in front of me in the parking lot? Didn't read about that one in the manual... Should I have been able to just take the criticism with a grain of salt and left it at that? It's completely different when I'm told that I've messed up in a kind manner, or maybe with a bit of praise for what I did right. It encourages me to try to do better, to get more of that praise. Isn't this kind of normal?

And last of all, topic 3. How can we find the fine line between expecting too much of ourselves, and yet still trying to improve? I have mentioned that I have been trying to lose weight. I don't expect that I will ever look like a model (not that I particularly want to) but I can't just shrug my shoulders and say "Oh well, I'm fat and I guess that's how it's gonna stay; regardless of how much I hate it" 
I will probably never be a famous artist like Michelangelo, or DaVinci, but that doesn't mean I should just leave my canvas and pencils in a corner to collect dust. I can still practice and improve. But how much is too much? When am I being realistic and when am I just being lazy?

Just my few thoughts for the day...

Then and now

 I posted this quiz/survey thingy on my facebook January 15 of 2009. I thought it would be neat to re-post it, and to put my current answers in italics beside the old ones. A few years can change a lot!

Then

Now

ONE - Spell your name without vowels: Sd   Still Sd

TWO - Are you single? Yes  I am not! I have been very happily married for 7 months now.

THREE - Whats your favorite number? 2, 8, 15   2, 8, 15, 9, and 12.

FOUR - What color do you wear most? Pink  I think probably black, or green.

FIVE - Least favorite color? Black   I still don't really like black.

SIX - What are you listening to? My oldies playlist, right now it's playing "September" by Earth Wind & Fire
I'm listening to my iTunes. It's playing "Love You out Loud" by Rascal Flatts

SEVEN - What do you smoke? Nothing   I still don't smoke. Though I think it would be awesome to learn how to smoke fish. I had an amazing smoked salmon wrap at a restaurant once and I would love to make one.

EIGHT - Are you happy with your life right now? Yes!   Yes!!

NINE - Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity? Yeah, I really don't know who though.   Yes I have. I think my brother said I look a bit like Natalie Portman. I don't think I do.

TEN - What is your favorite class in school? I'm not in school right now :D  I'm not in school.

ELEVEN - Do you shop at hollister/abercrombie/American Eagle? Nope. No I don't. I'm too much of a cheapskate :)

TWELVE - How do you make money? Babysitting, I occasionaly sell a painting.  I haven't made money in a while! Last time I did was from baking a cake.

FOURTEEN - Where did you go to school? Home-schooled  I was home-schooled.

FIFTEEN - Are you outgoing? It depends on whether I'm online or in person. I am online, and in person it depends on if I have had sleep or not.  I'm still not very outgoing, but I am a lot more than I used to be.

SIXTEEN - One word to describe you? Complicated  Right now? I think "hopeful"

SEVENTEEN - Favorite pair of shoes? flip flops  My high heeled black boots.

EIGHTEEN - Do you own big sunglasses? Nope  I don't! I don't think they look very attractive, especially on me!

NINETEEN - Where do you wish you were right now? I'm actually happy where I am...honestly... it would be cool to have some friends join me though    I am so happy where I am right now. Although, it is getting late, perhaps I should move to bed?

TWENTY - What should you be doing right now? Nothing else. I already finished my chores :D  Sleeping, hehe.

TWENTY ONE - Do you have a crush on anyone right now? Eh, nope  A huge crush!!!


LOVE SECTION:
Q: How many times have you had your heart broken?
A: None really  I have only felt heartbroken for other people, and that has happened a lot...but I'm pretty sure that's not what this question was trying to ask.

Q: Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?
A: I think so. I would rather be dead than try to live without the people I love.  Indeed, I can honestly say that I would be quite willing to die for my husband. And for my God, if it ever came to that.

Q: Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'I love you' to you?
A: Umm, not that I can think of.  Who would say it besides friends and family? I think that it is still a no.

Q: Does the person you like know you like him?
A: Ha, my friends? I wouldn't be their friends if I didn't like them. I should hope so! I love telling him just how much I love him. I'm pretty sure everyone else knows it too.


LOOK AT ME:
What is your current hair color? Dark blonde, it'll get lighter come summer.  My hair is still dark blonde. The other day I matched it to a box of hair dye that was called "Latte".
Current piercings? One in each ear  Still only one in each ear.
Have any tattoos? Nope  No tattoos
Straight hair or curly? Straight   My hair is very straight. Apparently, I'm not much into changing my natural looks.


HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone? Absolutely  Often! I love hugs :D
Been on the phone until the sun came up? Nope  Hmm, I still have not. I have however, spent 6 and a half hours on the phone with one person.
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants? Nope  Thankfully, still a no.
Laughed so hard you cried? Once, I think  A few times!
Got in a fight with someone? Yeah  I have. I didn't admit last time that I have been in physical fights with my brother. I haven't been in a fight for quite some time though.

THE LAST:
Person you talked to in person? Heidi  Alex
Person you talked to online? Elisabeth maybe, it might have been Tanner... That would be Heidi :)

THE DOS:
Do you know how to swim? Not very well.  Nope, not any better than I used to.
Do you like roller coasters? love them!   I very much enjoy roller coasters!! I haven't been on one in ages!
Do you own a bike? nope  No
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows? *shrugs* I'm not sure. I've eaten some pretty weird things just so I could say I have.

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane? Yes  Quite a few times, actually.
Have you ever been asked out by someone? Nope  I have! Can you guess what my answer was?
Have you ever been to the Ocean? I might have when I lived in VA, I don't remember that far back.  Once that I can remember. It wasn't that great of a trip. I hope Alex and I can go sometime so I can have happy memories of the ocean.

THE HOWS:
How many of your facebook friends have you met in person? Ummm...*counts* 89 of 101  *Goes to do a re-count* 193 of 214

How tall are you? 5' 2.5"   Last I was at the doctor I measured 5 feet and 2 and a quarter inches.
How long have you liked your someone? I don't think I have a someone  Romantically? Since about the beginning of November2009.

THE WHATS:
What are you listening to? It's now playing "The Wanderer" by Dion  "When the Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw
What is the weather outside? *sings* "sunny with a high of 75" Actually, I have no idea.  Probably a bit chilly since it's nighttime.
What radio station do you listen to? 102.7 or 88.7   It changes often. Every time commercials start I change the station.

Yesterday...

 Monday night I tried out a new recipe. It was for a peach cobbler coffee cake. Sounds amazing, right? It is yummy, but very time consuming, and when it was done I realized that Alex and I would never eat the whole thing by ourselves! Having just made a blogpost and mentioning that I should make more of an effort to see how elderly neighbor is doing, I got up yesterday morning and put some of the cake in a container. I took a deep breath and walked across the patch of grass in between apartment buildings, and I rang the doorbell. No one answered so I walked down to grandma's and gave her the container. I stayed and chatted with her for a few minutes. Later Mom and I went shopping and I decided I wanted to get my hair cut. Since I love having hair almost down to my waist, it wasn't an easy decision. But at the same time, the ends looked terrible, and I have been wanting to make sure I don't ever get stuck in a rut being content to just stay the same forever. So, I got almost 6 inches cut off from what is now the longest part of my hair, and about 12 inches cut off from what is now the shortest. I got side bangs and short layers around my face. I'm still getting used to not being able to just tie my hair in a knot to keep it off of my neck. Where did I store all those hair ties?

 As Mom and I got home I saw that my neighbor was just arriving home too. So, after visiting a bit more with Mom and Grandma, I went home and made up another dish of the peach dessert. I walked across the yard again and tried again ringing the doorbell. I ended up being invited inside and chatting for almost 20 minutes. For those of you that know me, you may realize what a huge thing this is for me! I pretty much never talk to strangers, I am terrible at small talk, and I am super shy. I think that this lady gets lonely though, and she was very sweet. On top of all that I was even able to mention to her that Alex and I are Christians and that we believe that the Bible is the absolute truth.

So, yesterday was an adventurous day. I'm thrilled that Alex likes my new hair (he didn't know I would be getting it cut, he was at school all day) and I'm happy that I made the decision to go visiting.

It makes me smile.

Sometimes I have the tendency to dwell on the bad things I am dealing with and I've noticed that it affects my attitude in a negative way: I start getting grumpy and depressed, I lack motivation, I lack energy, I start getting annoyed at small things, I get frustrated and cry a lot...and so on. I don't want to be like that, so I have been trying to pay more attention to what I do, say, and think -and how it affects my attitude. Anyway, when I really take the time to stop and think about it, it becomes more than clear to me that I have no room to be ungrateful, no room to complain, and lots of room to improve my attitude and how I deal with things.  Here are a few things that have made me very happy lately :)

* My husband. Maybe you get tired of hearing it, but I haven't gotten tired of saying it! I have been so blessed by the man I married. He's a Christian man who is strong in his faith, he teaches me things I had never considered or even really thought about before. He's kind and considerate and sweet. He's super smart. And he's really handsome. I'm still amazed that I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

* Our home. It's cozy, and warm, and yes -maybe the door has gaps at the bottom that let in cold air, but I'm very grateful that Alex and I have this wonderful place to live.

* Good news! Our elderly neighbor right across the yard was very excited to tell Alex and I that she is now cancer free! She mentioned that it has all been God's working. Now I feel a bit ashamed that I am such a homebody and never really introduced myself to her, or knocked on her door just to say hi or anything. Perhaps it's something else I can do in my spare time?

* KitKat. Really, he makes me smile often.

*I started sketching again. Just for fun I designed a few dresses for a dear friend.

Copyrighted. Please do not use without permission.

What about you: What makes you smile? What are you grateful for lately?

Bad kitty!

The past week or so I have been getting woken up by the sound of KitKat chewing on something. I open my eyes and he's right by my bed standing with his back legs on the end table stretching his front legs and head up to my dresser, and he's chewing on something! Usually I smack him a little and he gets down, but I hadn't been able to figure out what he would want to chew on. Today I caught him again, and he was definitely eating something, so I immediately got up and looked and found out that he had been eating the fake ivy off of the candle I carried for my older sister's wedding..he has now eaten enough of the leaves that there is a small bare path on a branch. Really? Why would he want to eat fake leaves?? I have a crazy cat.

"No need to let me know.."

 I had to laugh today. Alex and I went to visit our landlord and get the lease changed, and he is a very talkative older man with a great sense of humor. We got everything taken care of in a few minutes but stood on his porch talking for another five minutes or more about the weather, our neighbors, neighborhood robbers who had just been arrested, then Alex and I got in the car to leave. As Alex was backing up to pull out the landlord stopped him and had him roll his window down. He leaned down so he could see both of us and said (with his thick accent) "I know that the lease says you can have two people living in your apartment, but if you plan to have a third join you, that's fine...if you know what I mean. No need to let me know if that happens."
I think it was sweet of him to make sure he let us know it wouldn't be a problem, hehe.

Dear Sadie

 I know it's a little bit cliche, but have you ever thought about what you wish someone would have told you (or that you wish you had listened to) when you were younger? Do you ever think about the mistakes you made? the small or unimportant things you obsessed over or worried about?  Now, don't get me wrong! Even given the chance to erase the pain and struggles, to skip the hurt, to change the past; I wouldn't. The risk of not having learned those lessons, and not ending up where I am now is too great. However, I think I'll share some of what I have been thinking about, perhaps it will help someone else out there who happens to stumble across my blog.

Dear younger Sadie,
 * Don't rush. You will grow up in normal time, you will learn, and have responsibilities...and if you hurry through it, you'll wonder why you didn't stop and take the time to enjoy life without all that stress. Maybe you were made to grow up too soon, but you can still take opportunities to be carefree. Take a walk in the sunshine...a slow walk with no destination in mind. Stop and watch the bee that's crawling around on that bright yellow dandelion. Get dressed up for no reason. Find your favorite song on the radio and sing along without caring what you sound like, just have fun with it. While it is mostly a learning and growing process, childhood is meant to be enjoyed!


* You know those other kids in school/ youth group/ Sunday school? The ones who everyone seems to like, or that everyone wants to be? They most likely have times when they think you have it better, and wish they could be more like you. And you know what? If the reason they don't talk to you or invite you as part of their group is because you dress a little different, or are a little bit overweight, or maybe have drastically different interests than them? They're really not the people who would be good friends to you anyway.


* It's really not true that everyone is always just waiting for you to slip up. It's okay to try new things and mess up, to say something that everyone doesn't agree with. It's okay to just be you, it's a fact that not everyone will like you, but there's no need to hide or try to change who you are. 

* You know how badly you think you want a boyfriend even though you're only 15 or 16? Well, it'll be a few more years. Don't waste your time obsessing over it, and the guy with the cute smile? Stop wondering if he's "the one" because if you aren't careful you'll suddenly realize that you wasted a year or more worrying about it, and that he's not even the kind of person you thought he was. Besides, being married now and knowing that your husband is the only man you ever truly loved this way, the only one you ever dated, the only one you ever said "I love you" to, the only one you ever kissed or held hands with: it's one of the most amazing feelings you'll ever experience. Yes, crushes are normal, interest in the opposite sex is normal -but enjoy the time you have a single person. Use it as a learning time, and spend it becoming the best person you can be on your own. 


 * You're watching the siblings again today, that doesn't really make you their mother. Just this once maybe you should stop nagging about the chores. Take a break from "mini-mother" mode and be their sister. Believe me, you have a lot of fun when you all just relax, you'll laugh more than you have in months. And don't forget to tell them how much you love them, how special and wonderful each of them is in their own way. It'll only be a short time before you move across the country and you'll miss them so much it hurts sometimes.


* As much as you are going through right now, as hurtful as things seem sometimes, as bad as you think you have it: it'll be alright. Later on you'll have such a heart for wanting to help others who are hurting, and you know what? It'll seem like every time someone talks to you when they're struggling you'll honestly be able to tell them "I know what you mean.", "I've been through that.", or "I know how that feels" and be able to give them even a small piece of advice, or just the comfort of knowing they are talking to someone who has been through it.


* Never forget: even when you feel alone just turn to the One who created you, He knows what you're going through, He also is right there with you, ready to help you and guide you as you lean on Him. He has an amazing plan for you! You'll see what I mean...

Scattered thoughts

 I haven't really written much lately, maybe because I don't really feel like I have much worthwhile to say right now. I have been really happy that the weather has been starting to feel like spring, and yet unhappy at the same time. Spring is my favorite season! I love the warmth, the new growth, the flowers, baby birds, seeing more people out walking and enjoying the sun, the occasional thunderstorms and how it smells afterward. So I know what you're probably thinking "So why is it making you unhappy too?" Well, the fact that it is April and I still haven't gotten my driver's license makes me feel like I have been quite lazy. I'm a procrastinator, and I do not like driving. However, I need to get an I.D. with my married name on it, and I know that it would be a good thing to be legally allowed to drive myself should the need arise. Also, I put on weight over the past year...enough weight that none of my summer clothes fit anymore. Yes, I have been trying to lose weight, but as slow as it's going I feel like I'm going to spend this coming summer reverted back to how I was when I was in my early teens. Hiding in long pants and skirts and t-shirts all summer because of how I feel about my body. Not a happy way to spend those warm sunny days. But..enough rambling on that subject.

It's getting rather late and I should be headed to bed. This college term Alex has classes a few hours earlier than last term, so we aren't able to sleep in as long...which means we shouldn't stay up as late. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a better idea of how to put things I have been thinking about into words.