Long and Jumbled.

 So here is an advanced warning: this post is going to have a bunch of thoughts, possibly not very well written, and all jumbled together. That is, unless they actually start to make sense as they come out.

1st subject: Shy people. My dear Alex is taking Psychology 101 this semester. We get to talk about his class when he gets home from school, and I have to admit that some of their ideas are quite strange. They ask Alex to figure out what percent of himself is his "unknown self"? Oookayy then. Anyway, after one class he mentioned to me that they were taught that shy people are the most egotistical of all the personality groups. Why? Because they think that everyone else is focused on them, and that's why they are afraid to speak out, do something new, or talk to other people. Do they have a point? I'm still not sure. Having been a shy person all my life, I don't often start conversations with strangers, I hate being in a position where I feel people are watching me (Bowling? I hate walking up on the floor when it's my turn!) and I just don't really come out of my shell very fast at all. I think that part of it could be because I want people to like me and to think well of me, but a big part of it is that I very much dislike negative feedback or criticism.

  Which leads me to topic number 2. Is there a point where someone is being too sensitive? Growing up I was usually a rather well behaved child. (I didn't come up with this on my own! My mom will confirm it.) I hate disappointing people, and it's even worse with people I know and care about. Those times that I did act out and needed punished it was always much worse to me when I was told "I'm disappointed in you." than to get a spanking. But, I seem to expect more of myself than others do. I cried one time when I got a B in science. I was frustrated when my drawing didn't look like the photo I was duplicating...The most recent example was today. I finally took my driver's test. When I was all done and the instructor started telling me all the ways I messed up, suddenly all the excitement of having passed was gone. I came home and I cried because I felt like I had done such a terrible job, and I didn't know if I even wanted to drive after having been told how badly I did. Not that I am a terrible driver. I was nervous and made a few minor mistakes..more than once -after all, there was a complete stranger with an eagle eye watching for every mistake I might make- and some of the things seem a little silly now. It was bad that I didn't honk at the guy who started backing out in front of me in the parking lot? Didn't read about that one in the manual... Should I have been able to just take the criticism with a grain of salt and left it at that? It's completely different when I'm told that I've messed up in a kind manner, or maybe with a bit of praise for what I did right. It encourages me to try to do better, to get more of that praise. Isn't this kind of normal?

And last of all, topic 3. How can we find the fine line between expecting too much of ourselves, and yet still trying to improve? I have mentioned that I have been trying to lose weight. I don't expect that I will ever look like a model (not that I particularly want to) but I can't just shrug my shoulders and say "Oh well, I'm fat and I guess that's how it's gonna stay; regardless of how much I hate it" 
I will probably never be a famous artist like Michelangelo, or DaVinci, but that doesn't mean I should just leave my canvas and pencils in a corner to collect dust. I can still practice and improve. But how much is too much? When am I being realistic and when am I just being lazy?

Just my few thoughts for the day...